New Direction

I've been doing some soul searching and I've come to a conclusion: it takes forever. lol

I've also decided that I'm going to turn this blog into my daily(HA! daily?!) journal to give us all a peek into my head, errr... life with bipolar. You may read things here that make you uncomfortable, laugh, cry, think, or believe I'm just insane. All of which are perfectly normal. I'm doing this to help myself and all of you(some like me, some not) to understand what it's like to be me on good days & bad days. I'm not putting this out there to be judged but to be UNDERSTOOD.

It's going to be a difficult process for me but I feel this is what I need to do. It's scary to put ones personal hardships out there for the world to see. I'm going in no-holds-barred though. I've decided to add a disclaimer of sorts: I am not a doctor. The things that I say here are 100% MY experiences & may vary widely compared to others with a similar/like disease. Please seek a professional opinion before attempting to come off any medications and/or self-diagnosing your illness.

Bipolar disorder is not a "by-the-book" disease, many experiences are different depending on the people afflicted. There are what I call Pillars, the basics so to speak. Once these Pillars start crumbling is when everyones experience starts to vary. My Pillars are supportive family/friends, stress free environment, good sleep habits, absolutely no use of drugs & minimal alcohol use. I'll admit that the hardest of these for me to control is alcohol use especially when I start sleeping poorly.

I am currently NOT medicated. I like myself more when I'm not feeling like a zombie just to act "normal". For me this means that I have to, at all times, be super aware of my triggers & lifestyle. I haven't been medicated for almost 8 years. Is it hard? Yes. Would it be easier to be zombie-like? Sure. Have I fallen off the deep end during those 8 years? Absolutely but I fought my way back up. The Type A personality I have demands that I know absolutely everything about this disease & how I can learn to live with it. I'll never have control over it which has been hard for me to come to terms with but I can learn ways to cope. As long as I'm willing to learn & try to understand this disease then I feel like I've got the edge :o)

Throughout this learning experience I'll give you some glimpses into my past experiences. Plus some of the things I now realize could be attributed to bipolar & not me just being crazy, which is exactly how I felt for a long time. So the journey begins & hopefully by speaking out I can help others better understand themselves and/or their loved ones.

Things I Learned From My Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .


"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."



2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."



3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"



4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

" Because I said so, that's why."



5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."



6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."



7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.."



8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."



9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"



10. My mother taught me about STAMINA ..

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."



11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."



12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"



13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."



14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

"Stop acting like your father!"



15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."



16.. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."



17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .

"You are going to get it when you get home!"



18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."



19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"



20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."



21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."



22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."



23.. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"



24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."



25.. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"


Happy Mother's Day!!