Fixin' My Wrongs

On occasion I take an inventory of my life, a list of pros & cons, things I want to change - make better - grow stronger. I've been doing a bit of inventory lately. I'm realizing that somewhere along the line my life has gotten a bit out of hand. & at the top of my "Damn I'm Fuckin It Up" list are my children. I am certainly not up for a mother of the year award. Now while I don't see myself as a "bad" mother, I DO feel like I have LOTS of room for improvement. I give single mothers a continuous round of applause, I don't know how they do it. A single mother is pretty much how I've been feeling for the past 3 years(a post on this later, promise). It's exhausting.

I love my children. I want the best for them. I wish them happiness, peace, & love in their lives. I realized that, unfortunately, they aren't even getting that at home. How can I wish for my children something that I cannot even provide them myself?

You see I started to overcompensate for my mental instability at some point. I figured if I kept my kids busy they wouldn't notice that my brain was faltering. So we got involved in sports, clubs at school, the Y, children's church, & stayed busy with friends on the days in between. Seriously, we had weeks where we may have had ONE day of downtime, aka cleaning day. I did this with good intentions but remember that saying I tend to use frequently? The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Well I'm currently tryin' to back track because I'm almost to hell & the road is burnin' my feet :oP  I've made things worse. I've lost touch with my children on some level, don't quite know where but it's there. So I'm determined to fix it & blog about the tools we use & the progress we make.

Happiness, Peace, Discipline, Fun, Stability & Love will be incorporated back into the Heart of this family. Mental Instability be Damned :o)