Thankful...

I think Thanksgiving is more emotional for me than any other holiday of the year. It's a time when I really reflect on the blessings in my life & I certainly have many. Since I made a last minute decision to go home for Thanksgiving I will post my Thankful blog now :o)

I am Thankful for:

My family - who would have thought I loved you guys enough to come back home for Thanksgiving LOL! It's funny that I live my life here, 5 hours from family, comfortably. Yet I still have those days when I expect my dad to just drop in before lunch. Or when I hear a motorcycle coming down our street I still go look out the window just in case :o) Some days I wish I could go pick up hotdogs & drop in my mom's office for lunch. Or bring by an awesome book I just read that she has to read right NOW lol! Or drive over to my grandparents house on a Sunday afternoon because sometimes you just need that loving, comfortable, warm feeling that only grandparents can give. & the yummy food too :o) & of course the sister who is willing to suffer through another New Moon viewing so you can see it too, hoochie lol!

Friends, both near & far, both mine & Dave's - people who even though you've never met, you've formed a bond - who are there on the roughest of days to tell you it's ok, to lift you back up, & set you back on track - who you know that if you don't want to cook that day all you need to do is dial a number & dinner is brought to you - who you can sit on your couch with & talk for hours about anything, everything, & absolutely nothing :o)
& Dave's friends who still check in on him while he's overseas, they call to check in on me & the kids, & are always there when we need them, no matter how far away they are. Friendships that were formed in both the Marine Corps & Army, that have seen combat & the lowest, roughest times, & are still strong & steady. We love you guys(& gals) & appreciate every single one of you ♥

Music - sometimes it can speak my emotions better than I could ever attempt - it's pulled me out of depressions - it gives me an outlet for every thought in my head, good or bad which brings us to the next thing I'm thankful for:

The Good Ol' US of A - this beautiful country gives us rights, wonderful freedoms, & instills a patriotism that doesn't falter - I wouldn't call any other country home.

My pets - these guys know when I need love, they know when I'm feeling down & need a lift, they are silly & their love is unconditional ♥

My kids - oh where would I be without them? Absolutely everything I do in life is with them in mind. The person I am, I molded so that I can be someone my children are proud of, someone they can look up to. If I am given no other purpose on this Earth than to raise well-rounded, caring, giving, loving children then I will be happy. I gladly give up anything for them. Their love brings tears to my eyes, their silliness brings laughter & joy in my heart. Raising my 4 children has not been easy & I'm sure it will only get harder but it will always be THE greatest experience of my life ♥

My Husband - I don't even attempt to imagine what my life would have been like had he not come into it, it only leads down a dark road. He is my best friend, he keeps me afloat, keeps me swimming, never lets me give in to the darkness. He has taught me so much. He does the right thing, no matter what anyone says, & he'll tell you it's the principle of the matter. He fights for our country's freedom, he will lay his life on the line if it means saving someone else. I am so proud of him, it brings tears to my eyes. When people told him "No, it's impossible", he found a way. He's got the motivation & drive of 10 men. He says Live Better, Love Fiercer, Fight Harder & folks that is exactly what he does. When he walked into my life, everything took on a new meaning, my world shifted. I wouldn't change a thing. ♥always & forever♥

& lastly I am thankful for a loving God. We lost touch at one point but we fought our way back together. It's been a long, hard road but one of the most rewarding rides I have ever been on.

Happy Thanksgiving.
May the Lord bless you, be gracious unto you, and make his face shine upon you. May the Lord give you His peace ♥

ICRAP, I Mean, Iraq :oP

You see my hunny all the way over there to the right? Beside the itty, masked man?
This is how Dave spent Christmas last year. In Iraq. & it's how he'll spend Christmas this year, minus the wrestlers & chicks. In Iraq. Anyone seeing the pattern here??

So I commented on this photo on Dave's myspace the other day with the following statement: "Hey hunny look!! Another Christmas in Iraq! Let's spend it at home next year, k?! LOL!"

To which his witty reply today was: "OK Sounds good!"

My immediate thought: "Promises promises, I won't hold my breath hoping the Army doesn't fuck that up too."

Picture of the Day

I Miss Holding His Hand ♥

Interesting Article

I have to say that his ideas don't sound half bad. I mean could we really do any worse in Afghanistan than we are right now? Morale is low, our guys are tired, & everyone is ready to be done with these wars. Read the article yourself HERE What do you think?

I've Got....

Nothing, absolutely nothing. I haven't taken a lot of photos for the family blog. I've been living with my laptop & cell phone glued to my side. I'm trying to get some books read. The kids have had homework, after school project, after homework, & I can imagine it's only going to get more hectic, er... fun when cheerleading starts. We've got a good, supportive group of friends who we spend time with & try to keep each other sane. & that pretty much sums up what we've been up to. It's been about a week since I've heard from Dave, typical deployment BS. Go figure, right?! So there ya have it :o)

Tragedy & Heroes

I spent the first half of yesterday just cruising along, having a good day. & it was all flipped upside down after lunch. The tragedy that occurred at Fort Hood yesterday is shocking. I spent most of the afternoon into the evening on the phone with friends & family, trying to make sure everyone we know there was ok. Thankfully our friends at Hood are alright. Glued to the TV, trying to make sense of something so surreal, the tears fell for the first time since Dave deployed. I was scared, am still a little shaken by the events of yesterday. We chose to live on post because it's believed to be more secure. The shooting certainly made me rethink that last night. & while the reports were saying it wasn't believed to be a terrorist attack how could we be so sure? They also didn't believe the first plane that hit the Towers on 9/11 was a terrorist attack until the second plane hit. Our post did elevate security at the gates & put out more patrols on the streets which helped many of us here feel more secure.

Unfortunately this event has left many unanswered questions & topics to be discussed. Hasan was a PTSD psychiatrist. He had stated many times to his family that he didn't want to deploy in the upcoming month. He had never deployed before & the stories he heard from some of his patients coming back from war bothered him. He went so far as to seek legal advice to get out of the deployment to no avail. Now here are the questions I have. He's a psychiatrist, he would not see combat himself but help our Soldiers who are currently in a combat zone. Why would he be so terrified to deploy? Is it really due to his Muslim faith? Did he, somewhere along the line, become an extremist?

Hasan's cousin stated that he had been harrassed at work because of his faith. I don't want to call bullshit on that but think about it: he's a MAJOR in the Army, who would give him flack? He's pretty far up the ranks to be receiving flack from anyone. That statement made no sense to me. I'm not saying it didn't happen, I'm saying it didn't sit well with me.

He strode into the Soldier Readiness Center & opened fire. He worked 1 mile down the road at Darnell. Witnesses say he wasn't shooting randomly but actually targeting individuals. If he was upset about being harrassed don't you think he would have opened fire at Darnell? The shooting occurring at the SRC tells me that it may have been more about the deployment & less about these claims of harrassment. & that leaves us back at one. Why did he not want to deploy? After some of the alleged statements made by him it sounds more & more like he may have had some extremist ideals.

Hasan is currently in the hospital under security & on a ventilator. Will we ever get the answers we deserve? He walked in & shot an 18 yr old kid who was preparing to deploy for the first time. Why? Was it because he didn't want more violence overseas for other Muslims? Or could it have been simply that he didn't want another Soldier to experience the horrid stories that he'd heard from war vets? We may never know but I certainly want answers.

Thank God we have some fantastic Soldiers. Troops who were tearing apart their own uniforms to help administer first aid, life saving techniques to the wounded. These techniques are taught to all Soldiers & unfortunately they had to put it to use on American soil. It goes to show that our Soldiers are real life Heroes.

I'm sure this will not be the last blog on the issue. I'm curious to see how this all plays out.

Randomness

I'm experiencing an off day today. I'm fine really, just not running on 100%. I've had about a million things on my mind, some annoyances, memories, random thoughts, silliness, etc.

I left my house today. Yep, slight panic attack but I did it. Once I was in the car I was fine.

I've only wanted to strangle 4 people so far, ignorant, non-drivin' sons of bitches mostly :o)

I cleaned house yesterday. It felt pretty good & while I was waiting for the floor to dry I read. In fact I read most of the day. Good Book: Covet by JR Ward  I've fell in love with every single book she has wrote. I started reading her Black Dagger Brotherhood series last year, all caught up & ready for the next book to be published :o) So in the meantime she started another series called Fallen Angels. Covet is the first book & now that I've read it I need more. So I guess I'll read some of the other books on my nightstand for awhile. I started the Sookie Stackhouse series. I'm on book 3, have read a chapter or 2. I'm thinkin' I'll hold off on these though until Season 3 of the show starts rollin' around next year.

Speakin' of books, New Moon comes out in a couple weeks :o) Cannot wait to see this movie, I've got my fingers crossed that the movie is kickass. & I'm sure it will be especially with the wolves running around hehehe!

We have a Squadron FRG meeting in a week. They're going to give a class on how to be resilient & strong during deployments. Yeah. Mmmhmm. Does anybody else think that maybe this would have been something to do BEFORE the deployment?? Then maybe give some refresher type courses afterwards. I know that I don't know everything but it makes better sense to me that way. I'm going to go, see if there's any "tips" they can give that I don't know already. I mean seriously after the last 2 years of "Army experience" I've had is there anything about me that's says I'm not resilient & strong? Anything? Well besides the occasional mental slip :oP

I miss my husband. Not in a "I'm crying every time I think of him" way but in a defeated, resigned, coping sort of way. I haven't cried since he left. I seem to have fell right back into my "He's Deployed" routine. & while I think that's probably made it easier for myself & the kids, I also see how completely fucked up it is. Your husband should never be gone so much to the point that you can easily fall back & forth between "He's Home" & "He's Deployed" routines. It's FUBAR & all thanks to the Army.

It was pointed out to me that I'm supposed to be making one new recipe a week during this deployment. I did. I made Brie Stuffed Mushrooms Monday evening, a recipe I got from The Pioneer Woman's site. They were delicious, so good that I ate the entire platter. It's supposed to be an appetizer but I made a meal out of it then made the kids chicken sandwiches. I'm such a bad mother lol! I'll search the rest of the week & decide what new recipe I'll make next week. Aaaand I'll post another blog about how my mushrooms turned out with some photos.

Devlan & I vacuumed out my car today. I haven't done that since before we moved  here almost 4 months ago. So just think, the move, trip home, road trips, the beach, all that dirt & grime inside my car for months *sigh* it was getting disgusting. Luckily it cleaned up easily & nicely now I just need to wash my car, it's got the dust on it from Squadron's parking lot, when I dropped off Dave. Our last kiss, the determination on his face, the duty-bound sadness in his eyes, it was a long day.

I fought temptation on Halloween. I sincerely thought I was done with alcohol. I had made a decision to stop drinking. I figured I didn't feel the need for it anymore so I'd even stop the social drinking. Saturday night after trick or treating, hanging out with some friends, watching them all mixing drinks, I suddenly had the most intense urge to make my own drink. It wasn't a case of "fitting in" or peer pressure of any kind. It was a good ol' case of Bree Needs This To Feel Better. LAME. I DON'T need it to feel better, I wanted it. Plain & Simple. I'm not in AA, I have control over my problem, & I'm the one who decided to give it up, as a challenge to myself to see how far I can go. I walked away from the call of alcohol Saturday night. I made the decision to NOT take that drink. I'm proud of myself. I'm also a little worried that at some point during this year I may fail.

You know what one of the millions of things I love about my husband is? He knows when I need him. It was the same way last deployment. I'd go 10-14 days & not hear from him & at the moment when I thought I couldn't take anymore he would call. It may have been just a 2 minute conversation but it was enough to bring me back from the edge. I was having an off day today, I just got off the phone with him. I am flying high as a kite right now :o) He knows when I need him every time.

So there you have the randomness for the day. A lil glimpse inside my head, my life. It's scary in there, isn't it?! :o)

Day 2, At Least We're Gettin' Somewhere

No worries, the likelihood that I'll blog about every single day of this deployment is pretty slim. I'm a busy woman. This IS the weekend however so I have the time to sit & think. Today's been a good day, it's got a feel to it though. It's not a bright sunshiney day feeling, more like a Wow he's really gone kinda day. I did get a call from him though :o) They're in Kuwait, he's doing well, they're preparing for some exercises & classes so they'll be busy during the next lil while. He may not call again for a week or so. No biggie, I expected as much. Hell by now I know the drill, trust me...

I've done the usual: laundry, cleaning, eating, even watched some television. There's no one to talk to though. No one to harass. No one to come by & run their fingers through my hair or kiss my forehead. There's a piece of our puzzle missing & we all know it, we all feel it. But honestly we're doing ok with it. It's going so much more smoothly than I expected. I haven't cried since The Night. I've taken a couple sniffs of his shirts, just to breathe him in.

I've got plans for the next week to keep me busy. A To-Be-Read pile of books to sift through & figure out where I want to start. There's always grocery shopping & birthday shopping :o) There's a couple movies I need to watch so I can send them back in. Oh & hair color, I need to fix mine lol! The summer sun lightens my color so much that it looks weird when it starts to grow out :oP So that's on the agenda for the week.

I'll end the post with a picture I ran across earlier after I uploaded our Halloween photos. This photo shows a normal day at our house, when Dave's home. This is what I miss.