Randomness

I'm experiencing an off day today. I'm fine really, just not running on 100%. I've had about a million things on my mind, some annoyances, memories, random thoughts, silliness, etc.

I left my house today. Yep, slight panic attack but I did it. Once I was in the car I was fine.

I've only wanted to strangle 4 people so far, ignorant, non-drivin' sons of bitches mostly :o)

I cleaned house yesterday. It felt pretty good & while I was waiting for the floor to dry I read. In fact I read most of the day. Good Book: Covet by JR Ward  I've fell in love with every single book she has wrote. I started reading her Black Dagger Brotherhood series last year, all caught up & ready for the next book to be published :o) So in the meantime she started another series called Fallen Angels. Covet is the first book & now that I've read it I need more. So I guess I'll read some of the other books on my nightstand for awhile. I started the Sookie Stackhouse series. I'm on book 3, have read a chapter or 2. I'm thinkin' I'll hold off on these though until Season 3 of the show starts rollin' around next year.

Speakin' of books, New Moon comes out in a couple weeks :o) Cannot wait to see this movie, I've got my fingers crossed that the movie is kickass. & I'm sure it will be especially with the wolves running around hehehe!

We have a Squadron FRG meeting in a week. They're going to give a class on how to be resilient & strong during deployments. Yeah. Mmmhmm. Does anybody else think that maybe this would have been something to do BEFORE the deployment?? Then maybe give some refresher type courses afterwards. I know that I don't know everything but it makes better sense to me that way. I'm going to go, see if there's any "tips" they can give that I don't know already. I mean seriously after the last 2 years of "Army experience" I've had is there anything about me that's says I'm not resilient & strong? Anything? Well besides the occasional mental slip :oP

I miss my husband. Not in a "I'm crying every time I think of him" way but in a defeated, resigned, coping sort of way. I haven't cried since he left. I seem to have fell right back into my "He's Deployed" routine. & while I think that's probably made it easier for myself & the kids, I also see how completely fucked up it is. Your husband should never be gone so much to the point that you can easily fall back & forth between "He's Home" & "He's Deployed" routines. It's FUBAR & all thanks to the Army.

It was pointed out to me that I'm supposed to be making one new recipe a week during this deployment. I did. I made Brie Stuffed Mushrooms Monday evening, a recipe I got from The Pioneer Woman's site. They were delicious, so good that I ate the entire platter. It's supposed to be an appetizer but I made a meal out of it then made the kids chicken sandwiches. I'm such a bad mother lol! I'll search the rest of the week & decide what new recipe I'll make next week. Aaaand I'll post another blog about how my mushrooms turned out with some photos.

Devlan & I vacuumed out my car today. I haven't done that since before we moved  here almost 4 months ago. So just think, the move, trip home, road trips, the beach, all that dirt & grime inside my car for months *sigh* it was getting disgusting. Luckily it cleaned up easily & nicely now I just need to wash my car, it's got the dust on it from Squadron's parking lot, when I dropped off Dave. Our last kiss, the determination on his face, the duty-bound sadness in his eyes, it was a long day.

I fought temptation on Halloween. I sincerely thought I was done with alcohol. I had made a decision to stop drinking. I figured I didn't feel the need for it anymore so I'd even stop the social drinking. Saturday night after trick or treating, hanging out with some friends, watching them all mixing drinks, I suddenly had the most intense urge to make my own drink. It wasn't a case of "fitting in" or peer pressure of any kind. It was a good ol' case of Bree Needs This To Feel Better. LAME. I DON'T need it to feel better, I wanted it. Plain & Simple. I'm not in AA, I have control over my problem, & I'm the one who decided to give it up, as a challenge to myself to see how far I can go. I walked away from the call of alcohol Saturday night. I made the decision to NOT take that drink. I'm proud of myself. I'm also a little worried that at some point during this year I may fail.

You know what one of the millions of things I love about my husband is? He knows when I need him. It was the same way last deployment. I'd go 10-14 days & not hear from him & at the moment when I thought I couldn't take anymore he would call. It may have been just a 2 minute conversation but it was enough to bring me back from the edge. I was having an off day today, I just got off the phone with him. I am flying high as a kite right now :o) He knows when I need him every time.

So there you have the randomness for the day. A lil glimpse inside my head, my life. It's scary in there, isn't it?! :o)